Luke 9:23

It's been a while since I wrote my first post and haven't written since, so the plan is to just write whatever I want to tonight.
Here goes nothing:

I'm in the middle. I'm not Godless, but I'm not where my heart wants needs to be. I'm not completely empty, but I'm not full.

There's a tugging, I guess you would say, at my heart to go for more.. Fuller life, fuller heart, completely in love with my God. I remembered Luke 9:23 while doing the dishes this evening, and remembered when my church was encouraged to read it every morning. I remembered when my youth pastors wife posted it on Facebook every morning and now I kind of wish I would've listened, soaking it in and learning what God could've taught me.

"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me."

Merriam-Webster defines Discipleship as "one who accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines of another" so does Luke 9:23 mean that I must open my hands, letting go of my control, letting go of pride, of fear, of plans, of me? Does it mean that I must let go of those things and accept God's perfect will, accept His love, and give thanks? Not just for a day or so after getting all pumped up from a book or something, but daily, consistently, without ceasing or giving up because it looks too hard and I don't necessarily feel like keeping an eye on the taco meat for my brother, and I don't really feel like spending time with God instead of sitting in front of a screen.

Deny my sinful, flawed self, take up my cross and follow my loving God wherever He leads and all for a Greater Glory. Run as fast as I can into his outstretched arms because in Him, I am free.

So again.. Here goes nothin'.